DAY 3: TERRY SAALU

Friend and colleague. Enjoy 🙂
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Time waits for no man. The 365 bestowed on 2014 are almost gone but the memories will linger on, till they also fade away. Can’t outpace time it’s never a fair fight. Battered, bruised, beaten black and blue I limp to the finish line. Closer to the end I can’t help but look back at the heavy blows I received and the many others I dealt.

Deep breath. Jump in, into the pool of raging emotions that started my year. Love, purest of all and by virtue most easily corrupted. Perhaps a candle burns brightest just before it goes out and no one is watching out for it. No one wants to see a good thing end.

We completed each other like Death does Life. I was still bleeding from a broken heart and everything she touched at the time seemed to crash and burn. Her fiery hands melted my broken heart into place and mine held them there, keeping me together. No surprise how quickly I unravelled when those hands started to slip, first hers and then mine to fasten onto each other’s necks.

Who do you really love?

It wasn’t love at first sight but in those eyes I saw forever. She made me laugh effortlessly, my shy kisses she turned to intense lovemaking. I was happy and it seemed like therapy to her, to have something that wasn’t temporary. She had me, I made it clear maybe a little too clear. Her name was always on my lips; love became obsession and caution thrown to wind.

She was never truly mine as much as she wanted to be, as badly as I needed her to be. I turned a blind eye to all the warning signs. Didn’t notice when I started fighting for attention, I made up excuses when communication between us became strained.

This year, when I broke out in uncontrollable laughter and she kept staring on lost in her thoughts I knew I was starting to lose her. I couldn’t let her go she belonged in my arms and I pulled her closer hoping she would remember where home was.

Who really loves you?

Friends. Family. Friends that became family. Subtly persuasive but none could make me see that I was holding on to a dream. Reality was one I have known longer, one whose affection for me was undaunted even though I rebuffed her severally in no uncertain terms. She understood my heart belonged to another and I understood, that that only made her want me more. This vicious cycle had to have a violent end.

This year my love ripped open old wounds and left me wishing I hadn’t gone all in. The jury is out and I got played a fool. Torn between regretting it all and reminiscing our days in the sun right before she told me she didn’t love me anymore.

To my significantly insignificant other, I can’t tell what I would do differently if I could reverse time but I found out reversing roles in our story reveals the big picture.

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