Day 4: Anonymous

My 2015 story…

29/11/2015

Just like yesterday when we started the year, I had one thing on my mind, I had one goal, I had one dream. It was a year I thought finally dreams would come through. I started the year reading and making plans for my final exam as an undergraduate, I must confess it has been a long 6 years, so much stories to tell, so much hurdles that has been won. And to think of the fact I did not go home for Christmas claiming I was reading in school for my almighty final MB exam wouldn’t be the first time but I was reading actually but maybe not as intended after all exams was still in March.

I could remember in church on the 1st of January pastor asked us to ask one thing from God this year and believe me that was the only thing I asked. That was what I ever wanted to be. Before I knew it January was over, and we did our final long cases in surgery and
for the first time in a long time, I had confidence in my long case that surgery was a done deal. My examiners were my friends I’d say and the group discussion i had join the previous year was very helpful. We had February to read and go back to a posting for another long case, that was obstetrics and gynaecology, I practically slept in the library, it was 9am to 6pm every day, then I’ll continue the rest in my room with group discussion inbetween. We did the long case and I passed. So it was time for exam in March, lo and behold almighty PROS was here and I couldn’t tell what I know and didn’t know again, have I been reading? Hell yea!!!

First paper went well, it was O & G, and then came almighty medicine, believe me my heart was in my mouth, could feel every ejection after each systolic, who could have thought it was cardiomyopathy will be the
killer question, It wasn’t a joking sturvs.

Surgery was better and that was how paediatrics came from no where asking about non pharmacological management of pain in children, tumour lysis syndrome and congenital hypothyroidism. Sorry if you don’t understand what that was ,but believe me the first two questions, the first time I was hearing anything like that was in that exam hall, have I been reading? YES!!!! do I go to school? Believe me I do.

We did it and first week was over and then the 2nd week for practical came and it was over. Yeah I was done with school in my mind, meanwhile until result is out you’re not done yet, and the noise after the exam was worth it, so we waited earnestly, so many sleepless nights, so many palpitations. Let me save you some time, first result was released and 50 people passed in a class of 142………….. Worst result in the last 5 years and No, I wasn’t among the 50 people. My greatest fear came to pass, I had to rewrite 2 papers in 6 weeks. It was a longest 6 weeks of my life, I watched my very good friends as they were inducted, don’t get me wrong i was happy for them, I remember leaving school so I won’t cry, and I read like I have never read before and yeah it came I wrote the papers, I have never been more convinced that I was done with medical school, I went home immediately after my resit exam expecting a wonderful outcome.

The 28th of July came, yeah see how time flies and I was called result as been pasted, and No I failed paediatrics again….. What went wrong was the question, I remember crying on the street to my house, every hope was dazzed, every one who believed in me was let down, and for the first time in my life, I felt like a failure.. It was the longest 24 hours of my life, I could remember my
dad called me OLODO (i dont know anything) and I haven’t gotten over it till lately.

So what next.. I had to repeat final year, and do paediatrics again, thank God it’s not everything you have to repeat again. Psychologically, emotionally, i was drained I felt like giving up.

The long 10 weeks of posting in paediatrics as a repeating student (as I call myself) after standing in a ward round was not easy especially seeing my previous classmates who are now House officers. You practically read meaning to practically everything they do, don’t blame them, some just don’t know how to relate to you again not that they are being proud though some are,but was necessary and a requisite for moving forward I learnt a lot from so much anger, pain and rejection, and I will say this, we all want to get to the top, the truth is we will not all get there all at once, but we’ll get there
eventually.

Don’t give up, I haven’t.

And that’s my 2015 story, I just want to be a Doctor, so I’ll try next year, I won’t give up.

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