Day 17: Ndigwe Ifeoma

She’s got an amazing heart! Her 2014 post.
It seemed like a good idea when I said I’ll write this, in retrospect, I should have factored in my year-long writer’s block. I’ll do my best with the words I know. Firstly, thanks Pero. I don’t know if I ever thank you for letting me write something but thanks.

Other things I’m thankful for:

My life! So many people are dead so first, I’m thankful to God for my life. I’m thankful for my new cousin. He’s a brand new, beautiful, unsullied blessing. I’m a little less lost than I was last year. I’m better at making plans and following through. My priorities are in better order. I’m a little less angry. There used to be a bone-deep anger but I woke up one day and decided to let go of it. I’m thankful that I’m freer, I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful for my friends. They are probably less than I think but more than enough.

Everything this year was a challenge. The highs were Everest-high and the lows were river deep…and frequent. When things go wrong, people usually say ‘get over it’. Succinctly, there was a whole lot to get over. I smiled through the pain (Who am I kidding? I don’t smile. I was sarcastic through the pain).
The bad times were numerous, people died but the closest to me was my uncle. That took me by surprise. Finding out he died on Facebook? Now that was messed up. I don’t dwell though.

I can say I learnt a lot this year, a lot of which was of me. Some were good to know, others induced a state of acute denial. I know what I can tolerate and what I can’t. I stopped beating myself up for being able to take crap from people; I got a high threshold for some crap, deal with it. I embraced the efficient part of me that will be early for everything and koba a lot of people. I embraced the part of me that is mean. I woke up one day and made a list (I’m a list maker) titled ‘This is what I know to be true of myself’. I would have shared the list but I burnt it. It was the only way I could convince myself to make the list 100% accurate. My point is: I learnt a lot this year all of which was heralded by a desire to know more of who I am.

The good times were much too. My baby cousin was born; do I need to say more? My elder brother finished school. I met new very interesting people. I found new interesting writers. I heard new life changing poetry. I had great life-affirming discussions. I met someone who shared my point of view on more than 10 topics and I didn’t even have to explain what the topics were about in the first place. Should I need another best friend, I know who to call.

My hopes are, by the time I read these write-ups again on Pero’s blog, I’ll be a better me, a doctor, a happier person who is closer to achieving her dreams. Med school cannot end fast enough. I hope I daze people with my result. I hope my family and friends are well and happy and that they live forever, if forever is not attainable or desirable, at least to a ripe old age.

This is how I end this,

In my journey of self-knowledge, someone told me: Imagine that you could achieve everything you write down now, subdue it with the fear that you won’t and put down the most important ones first. What you have are your dreams and aspirations. Wake up daily and work towards it. Motivational speakers are full of ideal crap that don’t work when you’re in Nigeria but it’s worth trying, innit?

My dreams:

To win a Nobel Prize (I’m aiming for peace but I’ll settle for literature or medicine)

To be well travelled without fear of financial difficulty

To see the synchronous fireflies of Southeast Asia

To see the Hallelujah mountains of avatar (it exists. Previously called Southern sky columns)

To see the pink river in Australia, the wonders of every time

To climb as many mountains as is possible

To speak at least 8 different languages fluently

To be able to do everything, try anything once. ETC

There’s a saying “If my life be the whim of a dreamer, may he awaken and recognize it for the grand idea that it is”. This saying concisely describes my dreams. My life right now would probably bore the titans of tedium, the barons of boredom, and the earls of ennui but my dreams are lofty.

My aspiration is to be the best version of me possible (kind, charitable, less sarcastic and less cynical), to be the best doctor I could be, find the cure for something.

Seasons greetings from Perry’s Tots.

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