Day 9: Tobi

Ehm, okay, 2017 I’m dumping you. It’s not working, all you did was bite my ears off and spit-ball it back to me. Here you go complaining about my -268 and -194 naira’d accounts; yes I’m owing, leave it! I opened them because of you, you ungrateful ball of history. You promised me you had a big daddy who’d fill my bags up and I heard you’re constantly drinking of his beautiful rain and using up his sunshine make up every freaking morning and noon. If you aren’t going to cough my stuff then expire, we are done!!!

That’s what I felt my year was turning to.Each time I seem to get my feet on the ground, I stumbled sometimes I fell hard, head-first. Some days you just look all around you and wonder why the heck did I even start this thing at all.

Okay, so 1, 2, 3,4,5,6 years in school might look long but for medicine, well yeah. Let’s say it’s deserved.
Let’s add 1 more year; a little over the top, let’s add 6months for strike and miscellaneous, add an extra 5 months. Well we just like playing the waiting game, see who loses and all that’s how long it took to achieve my dream degree. I spent the whole year waiting, working hard so I can now come out to be on another “waiting list” for a job. When does the waiting stop.

Then came the “friend holocaust” too harsh?, I think not. When people begin to purposefully delete their persona from your life and yet not deleting yourself from their own life but removing whatever they have imputed to you as your connection to them for which you became close while keeping you at a reasonable length for which you can be accessed and afterwards restored in your cupboard like the plates your mother uses at christmas for guests; in simple terms you’ve become a living relic in their own lives while you consider them puzzle pieces in your life’s art.
At such a point you realize if you truly truly count for real the number of individuals who you could wake up and call their names as having got your back; I doubt if many of us may be able to call 5 names without twitching. I’m sure certain people may say, I’m surprised you’re just knowing but truthfully speaking, to know is one thing to experience is another, to learn from that experience is a third thing, and to apply what you’ve learnt so far a fourth.

And so to those who lost friends to the holocaust accept my sympathy but you didn’t fit in their life and to those whose friends ended up losing them well, you’ve been set free so grow up! Leave the multitude who seek to hang on the fence, choose a side the stage is set up that so far as you participate you win. You don’t earn anything from watching others live their life; live yours and make your own mistakes and correct your own mistakes, and create your own strength; and build on these created strength.

See because I wanted to live, I was taken downtown the 100unit course of love. Cut off mark in Nigeria now is 1 pizza and coldstone ice cream for 12months, long course in Lagos and anything with plate number for 1 week crash course in Ekiti and Ibadan areas, I think Abuja has been rigged because you know all the senators have their list.
But that’s what we saw this year; remember the famous twitter blowout where she told him “keep the change bruh” why won’t she?why won’t she get endorsements?

I learnt about love. What I struggled to understand for a great part of my life; that love is a language. A language is a defined means of representing and sharing information through a medium for which the receiver is able to do four things: recognize, understand, reproduce and expand it. How do you give love to something that doesn’t exist, such love is only represented in the Holy Books by the supreme being of God.
Many people seeing this ideology which I am pursuing will say understanding and reproducing it is the hardest but it’s not really what it is I’ve found out in my own little experience that recognizing it is harder because you cannot recognize what you do not sense as in see or touch or feel or hear. We try to start stuff with people who did not even offer a sense of love in the first place, it’s all changed. For those of you who were able to even find someone who would speak that language to you I congratulate you, please grow in your language of “love” and when you’ve settled that, transcend to something bigger and better, understand, don’t get tired.
Truthfully I might say I am at this stage because I’ve learnt more in the last 4 months of this year than in almost 4 years of being with girls and more patience in the last 10days than in the past 2and half decades of my life.
We wonder why our parents stick to each other, it’s because many of them know they have nowhere else to go, who else is going to take their crap. They learnt how to reproduce love and by extension to expand love to themselves and their children, say whatever you want about your parents if they didn’t take you to one river to drown you then trust me they love you in one way or the other.

Imagine learning Yoruba language in school. Sometimes, you know what you want to say but you cannot translate it to Yoruba, even when you can you don’t know all the words so you mix Yoruba and English in the same sentence, or sometimes, the words are too complex to understand yet reproduce, then they give you books to read and test you on books written in a language you do not understand, that’s the same thing with love, life tests you with all sort and your supposed “young-love” is tested even though you people don’t even yet fully understand the measure of the depth of your love.

When you find yourself praying against the other girl or the other guy then you’ll understand what I’m talking about. Things like, let him not have data, let the iphone crash, let that girl’s wig fall off on okada, let him not get job in a far place where I can’t monitor him, let her not have clothes to come to the party let him mess up, let the other girl not be as fine as me, let the other guy travel but life is a great teacher once in a while puts our biggest prayer points against the other girl/guy as tests. Infact I prayed one this year, Lord let her not be deceived by him, no jokes. I’m saying all this because it showed me how much the human mind wanders when you become really interested in something.

Lastly I learnt sacrifice, I received one of the best birthday presents of all time this year, you want to know what it was? A cream with mild bleaching properties, people often say I’m dark and my skin is dry sometimes or white feet. I almost have to edit every picture I post brightening it up every time, it can be really annoying. Some people might say it is offensive, but I find it charming, because it shows thought and effort put into something which really is what a gift is about. I will never forget it, call me tacky it’s the best I’ve ever gotten amidst cufflinks, clothes, eatables it’s the best. It even outranks one biscuit like that, well-wrapped small box of cookies which turned out to be very old on the shelf the person took time to wrap all that the person could afford to get which was biscuits. I love my cream. I will never forget such thoughtfulness and care, never!

Finally the last bit before I wish you guys a great year ahead. Sacrifice.
One way to overcome life’s test on your love for something or someone is Sacrifice. Way back almost 20years ago when I was much younger my brothers where to go to boarding school. There hadn’t been light for weeks so all their wears were not ironed. My mum on the night before they left cut her only iron, used her small remaining kerosene in her stove and heated the cut-iron and used it for all their clothes, she didn’t sleep and we were okay but we couldn’t afford some stuff but she did all that so her children can be happy and have the confidence going to school, see other children in their various laundered wears and compete appropriately. She didn’t say because of that she did’nt cook that day or that clothes won’t get ironed or she was too tired she just kept pushing herself. You may say yeah what she did is small but a conglomerate of stuff like this and she will and always be a legend in my heart.

You wanna know how much you love someone, how much are you willing to sacrifice? TIME? MONEY? LIFESTYLE? DREAMS? You think time is small, but time is money, you think money is small but money can determine your lifestyle, your lifestyle just might push you into achieving your dreams. It means almost anything and everything is on the table when it comes to sacrifice we just determinme the measure.

Patience is key and anyone going into the new year must realize it is time to choose the path where you would walk and be fulfilled. People who have gone before us sought for a higher power and I concur with them that the best way is the persona of the creator, God. The workings of the human mind are so complex that is clear that it only had to have been created and therefore a creator will hold the manual…oh what would you give for such a manual???????

I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Live free
Seasons Greetings from Perry’s Tots.🎄🎁

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