Day 2: Tolu

The year 2018 has been a year for me. I remember starting out at the beginning of the year with the greatest plans to take over the world basically. I remember standing in the kitchen with my mum this time last year telling her about how excited I was about 2018. There was something so tangible about the incoming year that had me so giddy with excitement even though I didn’t know for a fact what it was. It was going to be my year and I thought I had all the plans in place to ensure that I’m giddy with excitement all year round but guess whose had other plans? GOD. Guess whose plans ALL fell through? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE! Oh dear…what a waste that was.

No sooner had that happened, did I finally pause to take in my surroundings and ask the most vital question I ought to have asked when the downslide started… “LORD, what is this?” I was broken. Never in all my 20-something years did I have all my plans wrecked, totally and completely. All gone and there was nothing I could do to hold it all together. I got turned down a lot, at some point I stopped trying. I started to doubt all of the goodness God packed into this body and mind of mine.  It’s the end of the year now and I think now I can say almost whole-heartedly that I wouldn’t have had it any other way. This was my year of self discovery and inner growth.

I learnt that there are seasons in life. This is the way God has designed it and like the ever so present, loud but gentle whisper in my soul helped me see, there’s no rushing through the seasons. I started learning to appreciate my season. It might not be glamorous or have the slightest bit of sparkle but it was mine, it was where God allowed me to be in the moment and I’m going to live through it and learn through it. I learned to wait and listen because the world has gotten so fast-paced, everything moving at the speed of light but what is all that compared to the instruction of God that is able to catch you up and even cause you to overtake? I learned to wait…I learned, and am still learning, to wait with the right attitude because anyone can wait but without the right attitude, it’s an exercise in futility. I learnedto wait through my season, with gratitude and discernment.

Relationships and 2018, two sides of this one coin. I remember telling my brother at the beginning of the year that I wanted to be intentional in developing relationships with people, and intentional I was. In all that determination though, I had to learn to die to self and I am definitely still learning this each day. I am a deeply flawed human, and I had to learn to say a lot of ‘I’m sorry’, deserving or not, because a soft answers turns away wrath, right? I learnt, and am still learning, to say exactly what I feel when I don’t appreciate something, regardless of if the other party cares to listen because that is the only way I can truly move past things. I’m learning to forgive without an apology, for my peace and not necessarily for the other person. I’m learning to listen and self-correct when I’m being wrong. I’m learning to be more accommodating. It has been a journey and I am still on it.

When I stopped with my obsessive planning (because everything had gone out of control), and started to take in my surroundings and ask the right questions, I realized I was not supposed to be trying so hard to look like I’m growing, I was supposed to actually BE growing. You know how you plant a seed and though you may only see a tiny little stalk, it’s doing most on its growth beneath the surface, getting solidly rooted for the magnificent structure that will be visible to all, THAT WAS ME. The sooner I realized, the more bearable my season became. I was happy for the growth, I am a far cry from being completely rooted but I’m definitely not where I was at the beginning of the year. I am immensely grateful because you see, I know where He’s taking me and I am thankful for the preparation process.

I am finally able to see all that happened to me this year as an act of mercy from God. He saved me from myself. I remember His promises and I am so grateful because like the verse at the beginning of this piece, He really has been so good to me. I just love the way He’s weaving my life and in all, 2018 has been beautiful…now I absolutely cannot wait for what He has in store for me in 2019.

Season’s Greetings from Perry’s Tots.🎄

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