2017, a phase disguised as a year.
First , I want to express how starstruck I am to be featured on Perry’s blog, I’m literally on a ‘whoop whoop’’ level right now[lol].
Back to the reason I’m here. 2017 for me was a year I won’t forget quickly or ever! It was a mixture of both bad and good extremes of my life. A beginning of many highs to come. It started off with an inspiration or more like instruction to start a series on my blog tagged #19Voices details on my blog. You would think, that wasn’t so bad for a start, it was just like light before the tunnel even started.
There were times in this year, my flaws, inadequacies, past mistakes, present mistake and even future mistakes come together to gang up against me.
These, I tell you are worse than lucifer himself.
They pressured and pressured till I no longer feel pressured.
They squeezed out every bit and air of joy locked up in my soul.
Leaving me empty? Oh no! Far from that
They fill me with insecurities, fear, pain anger, disgust and deep hatred for myself.
I took extra scrubs in the bathroom hoping to wash off the failure I felt like.
I attempted to talk myself out of this pool of long lasting unhappiness I found myself in.
Daily I was being reminded of how much I haven’t done and what I can’t do. Daily I was being reminded of my weaknesses.
Even with all of these, I struggled really hard to put it all together and you know, be the happy smiling girl everyone knew.
At a point I just thought probably this was my life, being stuck in a roller coaster of extremes, but God had a totally different plan (like He always does). God used all of these times to teach me perseverance, patience and absolute trust. Like James 1:4-5 says ‘’Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.’’
I learnt to trust in the process in this year. I learnt to learn in the wait. I faced insecurity this year and came out stronger.
This year may not have had all the flowers and bubble but it had all the growth and relearning.
Don’t be deceived to think I just walked out of the year like a badass totally wiping away all history of difficulties forever, that would be a fantasy. Most importantly this year I learnt to rely on the strength of the King, that was what kept me going.
Have a beautiful 2018 ahead!
Seasons Greetings from Perry’s Tots.
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