Growing Up Without Mum

A mother is she who can take the place of others, but whose place no one else can take.

Growing up without  mum has plagued me with thoughts in the past few weeks,  sometimes till I shed a few tears and get myself together.

I MISS HAVING A MUM.

Not having a mum is the only thing that gets me jealous. On mother’s day everyone’s mum is the best, people dedicate songs to their mothers. I’ve read people write about their mother but sadly, I will never experience or understand what it means. I will never get to understand the depth of love, care and sacrifice a mother gives to a child. This is not because of something I did but because of life, life is truly unfair. There are several things I would never understand. For instance, when my friends talk about their mothers as their eyes glow and their lips spread out to reveal a smile as they remember memories after memories of the unconditional love their mother has showered on them.
At least now I finally know why people keep singing to praise mothers and not fathers; definitely not because fathers are not important but a mother is a priceless jewel.

There are days I miss her more, like on all my big days I celebrate by myself. I grew up pretty fast and I can never forget Shadiat, my secondary school classmate who bought me my first set of bra, she was tired of seeing my breast hanging and decided to buy for me since I kept promising and it seem like it wasn’t going to happen. Then my aunt bought me more. Let’s not talk about period.

I miss my mum, she was 35 and sadly she died in a road accident, I only have very vague memory of who she was and it hurts. I remember her every time I travel by road, I get palpitations till I get to my destination. Sometimes, I tell myself I shouldn’t feel this way anymore, it’s 18 years already I scream to myself and another thought says to me suck it up and move on. The second thought makes me feel guilty, am I giving excuses for how I feel whereas I should just move on from whatever brings those thoughts into my life?

I am in this phase where like never before in my life; I need a mother’s hug, a mother’s advice and a mother’s ever-reassuring words telling me everything will be fine. Few weeks ago in church, a friend walked up to me saying he just found out I’d lost my mum after reading this post, he went on to say, “I’m sure you’re strong because you’ve gone through things that ordinarily would have drowned anyone.” It was one of my “I miss you mummy days” I fought tears from dropping as I replied, “There are days, there are days.” I don’t want to be super woman everyday, there are days I want to hang my cape and want someone else to be super woman on my behalf.

I think I have mummy issues. Lol

When I see moms and their daughters nowadays, I get so emotional and jealous that I would never ever, never ever feel that. The first day I was at a store with my god mother to pick things I wanted, it felt so strange that I didn’t know what I wanted to buy but I would forever cherish that memory.

I think I’ve finished my rant, so if you still have a mum, I beg you cherish her because you’ve got gold and if you don’t want her please give her to me eventhough no one can replace my mother, I love having so many mothers around me.

PS: I’m grateful to God for all the women he has brought my way and blessed me it.

If you’ve lost either parent, do you have similar moments? How do you get through?

Thank you for reading and please love me with prayers.

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