Day 10: Ope

Maybe time isn’t passing, maybe it’s us passing through time. Time refreshes with every new day but that is not the case with us; we know that our outward man perishes though the inward man is renewed, like time, every new day. Every new day, mortality is exchanged. We are not exactly talking about time. Or are we?

My year was an impactful year. Each day records growth for me. It would seem as if each year makes it seem like I didn’t live the previous year. In some way I think that’s a good thing. I mean we always pray the prayer that the next shall surpass the former and in many ways it has; through self-discovery, forgiveness, weakness, changing destructive habits, taking back my mind, this year has been a full year.

Funny I wasn’t prepared for it in a way and it makes me realize that sometimes that the things you don’t prepare for form some of the best moments in your life, it’s a little weird, but it’s a beautiful thing.

As at January, the year didn’t hold too many promises. I was struggling. I was in way over my head so I wasn’t exactly expectant. But this adulting thing sha… iss like they didn’t coach us well for it o… I didn’t know. Lol.

I didn’t know a lot of things. I still don’t know a lot of things but I am glad I have had answers to questions in my heart. One of my greatest struggles happened in my mind. Here are my takeouts for the year.

1. Speak to your mind. Tell it what to think. Your mind can hear you. You can hear yourself. Those depressive thoughts can stop. Those scary imaginations can cease. Those self-destructive thoughts do not have to keep nagging you even when you sleep. You can sleep through the night and wake up felling refreshed; as opposed to a banging headache and body pains. You can heal from depression, you can rise from a sinking hollow. You can, you can, you can, if you will speak. I am not saying speak to someone about it. I am saying speak to your mind. Tell it what to think. It may seem like a crazy thing to do, but forget that thought, this world is crazy. Aren’t you tired? Like I was? I was tired… and let me add helpless too. Thankfully, that was my breaking point. My mind had journeyed through many places, I needed to get it back and give it definition. I learned from this, that just as the world was made from the words God spoke, everything about you, is framed by the words you speak. I would say to myself sometimes, “No, don’t think that thought, think this thought, think about this one.” Thankfully the Bible already prescribes the kind of thoughts to think about that can inject wholeness into you. Very recently I also learned to say “this mind is mine” every time I say this, I laugh because it feels real. Whenever I say this, there is this sense of I am in charge that I awaken to, from then on, I can begin to actively think. Trust me, it isn’t a lot of work, especially if you have been down this road of depressions and meltdowns. But there is light, light at the end of the tunnel, light at the tip of your tongue.

2. Forgive. It is a major part on your journey to wholeness.
3. Evolve. You are allowed to. Be patient while at it. I graduated as a lawyer but I started making that cross to HR this year. There are many things I have attempted to do, importation, beauty business… I know some people have longer lists. Lool… but that is okay. As we learn, we grow and become better informed, our realizations shape the course of our lives eventually. I can’t tell you I won’t still do these other things I mentioned above though because I have evolved into another area. I may come back to it, but maybe this time from another angle, an angle that I couldn’t possibly have seen before. I am realizing that however way it pans out, there is no hard and fast rule other than staying true to who I am, paying attention to the things that make me tick, to the things that drive me, to the things that make me clamour for change. Those are, as I have found, often times, pointers to what I should do with my life.

I am also learning about finding fulfillment, wherever I am in the moment. I am not waiting on the dream job, or the marriage, or the hit-song, or the …… (put your own words). Right here, right now is a gift and I am making the best use of it. Here is what I am saying for instance, I turned down a better job offer as a lawyer to work with a start-up with so small a salary but it was the closest I got to HR. then I got this other major offer for me with an actual HR expert, and I am taking it. Do you see where I am getting? It may not happen all at once. I am not waiting for it to. I know it will. I am enjoying the journey of process. Gradual, upward movement. In the end it forms a beautiful story that I can tell my children and posterity, how I got here; that it wasn’t overnight, it was growth…gradual with low moments sometimes…but growth.

4. Oh by the way, there is this man I met… oh my heart… don’t worry I’ll gist you next year by God’s grace or you’ll see it in the news/social media feeds, whichever one comes first. Lol.

2019 has been a full year. 2020 will be even better by God’s grace. I am thankful for the gift of people and for the gift of time, the only rational way I could possibly measure progress in this terrifically large expanse we call life.

 

Season Greetings from Perry’s Tots.🎄

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