I can’t imagine that I am sitting here reflecting on 2019, wasn’t it January just yesterday! Year 2019, you have been one for the books and I would certainly remember you for a long time.
Definitely, 2019 has been an eventful year for me, I went into the year quite expectant; I was pumped up and ready to go literally and it was certainly one adventurous roller coaster ride. I really loved the year, please don’t read that to mean it was all rainbow and sunshine. In fact, the last couple of months have been the hardest for me. So all sunshine? It was not!!!!!! But soul filling? Absolutely.
This year I LIVED; you may wonder what that means. I would typically say that I was living for an audience of one but in reality, that was not the case. I was truly weighed down by the weight of other people’s expectations of me and the pressure to please and perform. This year I threw that into the bin and embraced my authentic self, I try not to speak in absolutes so as not to create an image that the journey is complete. However, I certainly embraced my authentic self more this year and I loved every bit of it. I had more belly laughs, more hugs, more spontaneous dances and more random conversation with strangers. I was present, I was curious and I learnt a lot more than I have in my 28 years combined.
This year I DARED GREATLY, I allowed myself room to change my mind, to fail, to embrace the unknown and the uncertainties that came with it. I don’t think I have held God to his word as much as I did this year, the moment he said to jump, I simply asked how high and watched him sort me every step of the way and that cultivated a more intimate and loving relationship with him. I packed my baggage in two boxes on a one way ticket from a place I have always known as home, from everything familiar, to move to a place where I knew literally nobody save for my Airbnb host who had become my chat buddy and that has been such an exhilarating adventure. I had always set a mental target of where I wanted to be at age 30 and this felt like starting all over which was quite scary.
This year I DEALT WITH PERFECTIONISM; I am a relapsing perfectionist who is in currently in rehab. I dealt perfectionism some hard and painful blows and broke its limiting effect on me. I embraced the truth that my self- esteem wasn’t tied to my outcomes and I quit letting failure define me. I started my vlogs which was something I have always wanted to do but perfectionism and the quest for the perfect timing won’t let me but I finally did with the resources at my disposal and I was extremely pleased with myself. It feels like I have relapsed a bit but I am certainly making a comeback next year.
In 2019 a lot of things made sense, the beauty of the retrospective view. God can be trusted, that was the song off my lips. If I am to choose one thing I am especially grateful for it would be the gift of people.
I am going into the new year with a lot more curiosity because I know the journey of unlearning and relearning continues. I am thankful that I am leaving 2019 a grown girl and cheers to the new year.
My parting words will be do not despise seasons.
Season Greetings from Perry’s Tots.🎄
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