Dear God, thank you for being my comfort, my teacher, my mentor and my safe haven.
With the year swiftly drawing to a close, I can’t help but take a look back at how far I’ve journeyed.
2019 has been a mix of drama, mystery, excitement and lessons. It’s safe to say that a rebirth of self happened this year.
The year started out a bit wavy but it wasn’t so bad, I mean there was no way I would have envisioned what was about to hit me.
Fast forward to the end of the first quarter of the year, I was knocked down to my lowest point mentally, career wise, financially, you mention! I had never felt this defeated to be honest. As I struggled mentally, my body suffered physically… it’s a total miracle that nothing terrible happened to my health.
In all the pain, hurt and confusion, God always made a way for me. My brother always jokingly said to me, “You’re definitely spending from the pocket of Jehovah.” This was because even in my ‘financial lack’ I was still able to cater for my needs.
At a time when I didn’t have a job, I found myself working for other beautiful causes. I would literally wake up in the morning and have my day scheduled with different tasks. Seems like nothing right? Well when you don’t have much, you learn to appreciate the little things.
Back to my predicament (what I termed it at the time). The times spent working on job applications and getting no response or getting one and not getting to the final interview or getting to the interview and not being called back, to my struggling relationship, my financial situation and physical crisis.
I wasn’t sure what I had done to deserve this predicament. I began to wonder if the witches that the common Nigerian man referred to as the cause of every single problem they had (including the ones they caused) had now began to attack me. LoL
I mean, I literally had no more explanations.
Midway through all of this crisis, I read a book titled, “The Monk that sold his Ferrari” – An amazing inspirational and motivational book on becoming a better you. I enjoyed this read, took down notes and even began applying it to my life.
I literally thought I had hit the jackpot, I mean, I was feeling a whole lot better.
Unexpectedly, something happened to me that hit hard and shook me off balance. At this point I just thought I was done, the next logical thing for me was to run away from all of these problems that had chosen to befall me back to back. 2019 was to blame, how could it have chosen to be so unkind to me. Definitely 2020 had to hold something better.
I did run away though, took a month out to refresh and create a new routine for myself. I slowly but steadily began to heal. I was happy, maybe I might know what peace feels like again. However, the healing was slow, why?? Peace!!! where are you??
My quest for peace put even more pressure on me.
Now I had gotten to an utter state of confusion. Then it hit me, I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed help, God’s help. I didnt want to find my peace in a person, or in a book or even a job. I wanted to have the peace that comes from relying solely and totally on God.
Of course after the realization the magic didnt happen immediately, took some time but guess what? He began making a way for me gradually. He did it in a way that I had no other choice than to say this has to be God. He literally embarrassed me. I look back in embarrassment and wondered why I had worried the entire time. Why didn’t I just trust? Did I forget what He’s capable of?? How that must hurt Him. Having to prove himself to us time and time again and we still trust in our own ability over His.
Dear God, for every time I doubted you – I’m sorry. Ending the year with 4 employment offers, a good sense of direction, a relationship that’s work in progress and most importantly a peaceful mind.
Where do I even start to thank him from? I’m lost for words to be honest but I’m glad He sees my heart.
Today, I look back with a heart filled with gratitude, a face lit with a smile, mouth filled with Iaughter, hands raised, knees bent, head bowed and all I can say is THANK YOU! “In all these things, we are more than conquerors”.
In all this I have learnt to abase and abound but it was all possible because of God’s grace.
I’m incredibly excited at what the future holds, I don’t expect a completely straight road without bends and bumps but I know God’s holding my hands and walking me through.
So hey Friend, regardless of how difficult the season might be, always remember to show gratitude for even the tiniest of things. It’s what makes the going less tough.
And remember, nothing lasts forever, so embrace life for what it is – a beautiful mix of good and bad times, happy and sad moments.
Say happy birthday to Stephanie, it’s her birthday.
Happy Holidays from Perry’s Tots.🎄
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